Halloween recap
This Halloween started off on a bad foot early. My kids came home from school and dumped their candy and started sorting it. These little asshats in training who are “babysat” at the drug house come to my porch door and holler “You givin’ Snickers?” My boys showed them the Crunch bars we were handing out. Then the douchebaggery was afoot. They started bitching and beating the shit out of my door. I told my kids to tell them that we were going to eat and I would pass out candy after dinner. Then they started shoving rocks (which they stole from someone’s driveway) under my porch door. I couldn’t even open the door. So I decided I would eat my dinner on my porch. They started coming down the sidewalk, seen me and ran back to the “babysitter’s”. Next they manage to rustle up an adult to come with them to my house so they can get some of our “awful” candy. Once again the wheels in my head start turning. I am going to personalize my candy for select kids, you know the ones that are dicks. Just like conversation hearts, I would have a special bowl of candy for these “special” children with sayings such as:
Use the Sidewalk!
U R an Ass
Fuck you
Trick or Treat MotherFucker (Kid: “hey, how did they know my name?”)
That isn’t chocolate!
Then a sad truth was pointed out to me. Most of my target group probably can’t read anyway so I would be wasting my time.
The sarcasm is dripping of the screen onto my keyboard. “Little asshats” - frackin’ awesome!
Is it any wonder why my street is dark every year… this just partially confirms my own blog.
I went to visit my girlfriend on Willcox last night around 730. 3/4 of the kids trick-or-treating weren’t wearing costumes. Now, I can understand if the kid is 3 or 4, and the family can’t afford one. These kids were high school age. I told her to refuse to give them candy, but she was worried they’d mess up the house.
“little asshats” “anal gangrene” EBB has some of the best phrases!!! Keep it up girl.
No costume, no treat: I agree wholeheartedly with that policy. Too bad the teenage smegma that trick or treat without costumes are the very same people who are most likely to vandalize your property.
I feel bad for EBB that she has to put up with such vile wastes of oxygen in her neighborhood.
You know I wish I would not have been so distracted making pizza that night and put my brain to use then. Next time the jr. asshats start crap at your door we should sneek my baby onto your porch that would really mess with the little heads!!!! They see her at my windows and doors everyday, thats why they don’t stick there dirty little hands near my door. Rotten little bastards.