Many people make New Years Resolutions. Some are kept. Some aren’t. Here are some that I am sure will be heard in the good old East Bluff:

Quit teasing the animals at Glen Oak Zoo. If a tiger in San Francisco can attacked when provoked, the paint chip eating geniuses around here are as good as doomed.

Mow the grass before the “Notice to Abate” sign is posted by code enforcement.

Make drivers only wait 3 minutes for all the kids to move out of the middle of the street instead of 5-10 minutes.

Go green! Start recycling empty 40 ouncers of Mickey’s instead of tossing them in a random yard.

Ringing the Ghetto door bell (parking in the middle of the street and honking until someone comes out, usually a 20 minute process) only 6 times instead of 15.

Knowing the names of all your illegitimate children and their mothers.

Hope everyone has a safe and Happy New Year! May you be able to keep your resolutions!

I hope everyone had happy holidays. We had a pretty good Christmas. My boys got me a margarita machine (they obviously know what Mom likes). I have had several “what was I thinking?” moments. The first one stems from buying my youngest son a harmonica. He follows me around and wants me to play name that tune. I have just started naming outrageous songs. He keeps telling me “No Mom it’s not Free Bird, it’s jingle bells.” or No Mom it’s not Metallica, it’s here comes the bride.” Santa also provided his oldest brother with a guitar. Santa obviously forgot the tylenol for my stocking after a “hot jam session”.

We went out and did massive amounts of errand running and ended up with lots of snack foods because I was shopping hungry. My youngest asked about New Year’s Eve while we were shopping. I told him we had lots of snack food and unless we end up going somewhere we would just stay up and eat that stuff. He then asked where he and his brothers would be if Mom and Dad had somewhere to go. I told him they would go to Grandma’s and then he said “You suck.” Thanks son and I love you too!

If I don’t get a chance to post before then have a safe and happy New Year!!

Here is the classic song rewritten with Peoria in mind. Feel free to sing a long.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a mob of kids in the middle of the street.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me two members of No Love and a mob of kids in the middle of the street.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me three pitbulls in a pen, two members of No Love and a mob of kids in the middle of the street.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me four spinning rims, three pitbulls in a pen, two members of No Love and a mob of kids in the middle of the street.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me five fights over bling, four spinning rims, three pitbulls in a pen, two members of No Love and a mob of kids in the middle of the street.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me six prostitutes charging $20 a laying, five fights over bling, four spinning rims, three pitbulls in a pen, two members of No Love and mob of kids in the middle of the street.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me seven slumlords rent collecting, six prostitutes charging $20 a laying, five fights over bling, four spinning rims, three pitbulls in a pen, two members of No Love and a mob of kids in the middle of the street.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me eight neighbors drinking, seven slumlords rent collecting, six prostitutes charging $20 a laying, five fights over bling, four spinning rims, three pitbulls in a pen, two members of No Love and a mob of kids in the middle of the street.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me nine rats scurrying, eight neighbors drinking, seven slumlords rent collecting, six prostitutes charging $20 a laying, five fights over bling, four spinning rims, three pitbulls in a pen, two members of No Love and a mob of kids in the middle of the street.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me ten developers wheeling and dealing, nine rats scurrying, eight neighbors drinking, seven slumlords rent collecting, six prostitutes charging $20 a laying, five fights over bling, four spinning rims, three pitbulls in a pen, two members of No Love and a mob of kids in the middle of the street.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me eleven crack pipes piping, ten developers wheeling and dealing, nine rats scurrying, eight neighbors drinking, seven slumlords rent collecting, six prostitutes charging $20 a laying, five fights over bling, four spinning rims, three pitbulls in a pen, two members of No Love and a mob of kids in the middle of the street.

On the twelveth day of Christmas my true love gave to me twelve cars a thumpin’, eleven crack pipes piping, ten developers wheeling and dealing, nine rats scurrying, eight neighbors drinking, seven slumlords rent collecting, six prostitutes charging $20 a laying, five fights over bling, four spinning rims, three pitbulls in a pen, two members of No Love and a mob of kids in the middle of the street.

Ice pack $1.50

Ibuprofen $5

Ace bandage $7

Explaining to your husband that you were standing on the kitchen counter, mooning your neighbor out the window, and when you jumped off the counter you twisted your ankle……..priceless!

There was a little glitch with my blog that was totally out of my control so I was unable to log in and my content disappeared. Luckily the Blogfather was able to get things up and running for me and most of my content returned (my last blog is gone). I’m sure there has been some speculation, based on the phone calls and emails, I received about what exactly happened to me. I am going to set the record straight right now. I did not quit blogging! I also haven’t:

died because the city actually plowed the SNOW ROUTE that I live on.

been blinded by a “goat”.

been arrested for arson.

decided to live my life as East Bluff Ken.

been trying to grow a beard so I can have my own Hairy Housewives site.

joined a cult.

been seeking Yoda so I may learn the ways of the force to become a Jedi.

decided to go on the road with the band across the street.

gone into business freezing dead cats.

been abducted by aliens so I could go live on their spaceship with Elvis.

Thanks for all the concern. It is nice to feel loved!! Don’t worry, I will be getting my bitch on again shortly!!