Best Question EVER!!!!

I was folding my laundry and watching good old Blago’s speech. Afterwards the news anchor had two pundits on to discuss the asshattery that evolved. He asked them “How does he (Roland Burris) avoid the smell of a taint?” My first thought is not to stick his head down there!

Random Christmas Quote

My youngest son was opening a toy remote control helicopter he got from my parents. He takes out the intructions and sees the obligatory “warning” on the pamphlet. He says, “Warnings! I don’t need no warnings!” and chucks the intructions to the side. Now whose son is that?

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Sorry my tree crushed the power line

While I’m bitching about the storm, I’ll go ahead and add my rant about Ameren.

My tree snapped my next door neighbor’s electric line 6 AM Friday morning. She called Ameren and they tell her they will be out. So she sits in her house without power and heat, yet thankful that no one was hurt. The meter reader comes by. Our meter is indoors so I actually talk to the guy. He asked me if I knew that there was a line down. I told him that it was my neighbor’s line and that she had called in to report it. He also called in to report it. We think maybe this will speed things up, considering it is laying in the road and alley way.
My husband comes home and begins hacking away at the limb balancing on our cable line. He also hacks at the tree that smashed the neighbor’s shed and partially landed on her son’s car. We see Ameren on the block behind our and get excited. “Neighbor is getting power back!” we foolishly think. Ameren pulls down our street, slows down, looks at the down line and keeps on driving. We almost cried. So I call Ameren to complain about the down line and lack of power. They tell me that they will get right on it.
Fast forward to later that night, the neighbor calls back to check the status of Ameren as her house gets colder and colder. She is told that it was reported as only a line down and not a power outage. WTF???? I’m not sure what else a line down could mean! Considering she called and told them she had no power and I called to report her lack of power, how the hell could they not know she had no power?
Finally after 36 hours without power Ameren shows up. The technician asked if she was okay. She told him that if she had a stick up her ass she would be a popsicle. He told her he didn’t have a stick! Okay they redeemed themselves a bit with that line. Finally her power was restored.
We understand that there are priorities such as hospitals, traffic signals, etc. but be competent in the first place. Shit, any moron knows that no line no power. Why doesn’t the call center?
We really appreciate the men and women who had to work in the weather to restore services to the city. It isn’t their fault. They do the job dispatch tells them. As the weather today gets shittier and shittier I really hope we don’t have another on like last Thursday and Friday.

Out of the Loop

The storm Thursday took out a large chunk of the tree in our front yard. As a result we have had no internet access. We were better off than the next door neighbor. Our tree took out her cable and her power line. Friday I look out and see a rather large chunk of tree balancing on our cable line and our internet didn’t work. I call Comcast and they tell me the city has to remove the limb. I call the city and they say Comcast is responsible. So my husband borrowed a chainsaw and removed the limb. I called back Comcast to tell them that the limb is gone and our internet still isn’t working. They tell me that by 3 PM Saturday we would be up and running. Three comes and goes. No internet. I call Sunday morning and get a recording that says my appointment is scheduled for between 8 and 8 December 25. WTF?? I wait on hold forever to be told that December 25 was a tentative date and that we will have service before then. I explained that I wouldn’t have been upset if they hadn’t promised my service to be running the day before. They apologize and give me a credit.
Monday rolls around. Comcast fixes my next door neighbor’s line first thing in the morning and doesn’t touch ours. I wait patiently until early evening and call to make sure that there wasn’t a mistake. No mistake. We were still on the list to be fixed. I told the woman that it was asinine that a contractor was just here and didn’t do my line while they were at it. She had no comment. Finally this afternoon they got us up and running. So I’ve been out of the loop for a few days. I’m glad to finallly have the internet back so I can bitch and moan. It is truly Comcastic!

Why??????

I just need to rant a bit.

Why the fuck were they filling potholes on War Memorial this morning?

Why the fuck doesn’t Kmart sell crotch socks (men’s tube socks that go above the knee for those who don’t know)?

Why the fuck did the city make this new snow plan?

Why the fuck doesn’t Walmart have beer on tap to make dealing with the asshats easier?

Why the fuck does it always look like a bomb went off in Big Lots?

Why the fuck can’t you buy orange juice, milk, and cereal at Kroger on Wisconsin without them assuming you are on WIC?

Why the fuck does the Kroger on Wisconsin have condoms, pregnancy tests and Axe body spray under lock and key at the pharmacy? Maybe if they unlocked the condoms there would be no need for the pregnancy test!

Why the fuck did I have to listen to my cashier’s weight loss testimonial when there was a line accumulating behind me?

Why the fuck did District 150 have to have a teachers institute tomorrow? Don’t they realize that I’m already going to be spending 2 PMS fueled weeks with my children?

Why the fuck did someone else agree to marry Drew Peterson? Start writing your will and digging your grave now, honey.

Why the fuck do I have strange, vivid dreams every single night? It is no wonder I am worn out all the time.

Why the fuck does Christmas have to be next week? Can’t we delay it a month? I’m sure I’d be more prepared then.

I think I have it out of my system for the time being.

The letter of the day is “B”

B is for Blagojevich

B is for Bribery

B is Baggery of the Douche variety

and finally B is for Butt rape (if all of us down staters get our wish!)

Honestly did anyone outside of Chicago vote for this fuckstick?

The WTF quote of the day

My son yells to me,
“Mom, the basement smells like pee……. and not the good kind.”

I didn’t realize that there was a “good kind” of pee.

The battle of wits is on

This past spring my best friend got a new rottweiler to replace the one that had to be put down. This new dog is younger and spunkier. Now I think that the dog and I are in a battle of wits or she is trying to kill me, I haven’t decided which.

The first incident happened in early summer. The dog, Bliss, got out of the fence and was walking down the alley. I grabbed her collar. She slipped out of the collar so I put her in a headlock until I could get the collar back on. The dog took off down the alley with me riding on her back like I was in a rodeo. Mildly entertaining for everyone involved.

The second incident happened mid summer. My boys were going next door to hang out while my husband and I went out. For being such a fabulous friend and watching my kids I had a bag full of lemonade slush for my neighbor. My boys accidently left the gate open and the dog comes running towards me. I grab the dog by the collar with my free hand. Bliss decides “Fuck this shit. I want to head down the street.” So she takes off full steam ahead with me hanging onto the collar for dear life. She pulled me across my front lawn before my common sense took over and I let go of the collar. It must have been a sight because a man stopped his car and asked if he could call me an ambulance! I was fine and proud to say that I didn’t even drop the booze! My 10 year old goes down the street grabs the dog and walks her home without incident.

The third incident occurred a bit ago. My wash machine broke and my neighbor has been letting me do wash at her house when she is at work. Since I am over there I take the dog out, sometimes feed her and play with her. She came running outside and didn’t want to go back in. It was cold and she had already taken care of business, so I was ready to go in. I went for the collar and she head butted my fist. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I thought she broke my hand. Once again point goes to the dog.

The latest incident was today. I went next door to get my clothes out of the washer and I realized that I forgot my laundry basket (it’s been one of those days!). I shut the door and go back home for the basket. I come back and the dog is in the backyard playing. The dog managed to get the backdoor and the screen door open and let herself out. Once again I had hell getting her back in the house. So it is a battle of wits and I am very sad to say that I think I’m losing!

Better late than never….

A few bloggers have nominated me for the Kreativ blogger award. I’ve been busy so I haven’t gotten to post about it until now. So here it goes…..

The rules:

(1) List six things that make you happy
(2) Pass the award on to 6 more kreativ bloggers
(3) Link back to the person who gave you the award
(4) Link to the people you are passing it on to and leave them a comment to let them know.
(5) Request scantily clad photos of your blogger friends of the opposite sex.

1.Six things that make me happy:
(1) Friends and Family, I have some awesome friends and alot of them are like family. I also have one of the wackiest families on earth.
(2) Animal wrangling, I love watching the shows where someone has a raccoon in their attic and the wildlife expert comes to take it out. Also the ones with 150 cats in a one room house and the authorities have to catch them all. Good Times!
(3) Laughing, I love to laugh. I do it quite often too. I also love laughing at myself and boy do I do that ALOT.
(4) Writing, I love to write but don’t do it as often as I would like to. I’m considering writing a book about my life and life with my husband and kids. Who would buy that?
(5) BEER, I love beer. I love the taste. I love things batter in beer and fried. Beer is awesome.
(6) Cartoons, I enjoy cartoons that are geared toward kids with adult jokes in them. I also love the cartoons of Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. Things that are soooo wrong make me laugh the hardest.

Since I am late doing this most bloggers have already been nominated for the award so I’m not going to pick anyone. I would like to thank those who find me kreativ. I am also choosing not to request scantily clad photos of bloggers of the opposite sex because I finally got Billy Dennis to quit sending me naked pictures. (How’s that for trying to be funny! )

Only in the East Bluff

My oldest son is extremely nosey. If your dog has a new collar my son will notice and tell the world. Yesterday he says to me, “Guess what Mr. J. was using to clear the snow off his car?”
I figured he was using a broom. My son says “No, Mom, he was using a hammer.” Only in the East Bluff!