Really????

If only I had my camera with me today. I was driving down Lake between Sheridan and Knoxville. There was a sign on a florist’s shop that says they have “balloon bokays”. Really? Bokays? I know what a bouquet is but I know I’ve never seen a bokay. I’m sure their balloon bokays are bootiful.

I want to be Blago

I want to be Blago. No, it isn’t the head of hair. I want to be blissfully oblivious to the heap of shit I’m in. I want to say outrageous wacky shit and have people lap it up like fine wine. While the whole world is falling apart around me I want to go for a run in some nut huggin’ pants without a care in the world.
If the asshat doesn’t end up in prison people will be falling all over themselves get his opinion on the news of the day. He’ll end up some super douche cult icon. He’ll be the “Joe the Plumber” of corruption. You just gotta love the society we live in.

Is your Doctorate in Douchebaggery?

My youngest son has been complaining of stomach pain on and off for a little bit. He has a tender tummy and picks up stomach bugs easily. I figured he had a virus. Almost everyday for the past two weeks he has pleaded with me to stay home from school. Now I am starting to think there is something going on at school. I sat him down and asked him if there was anything going on and gave him the “You can tell us anything and we’ll love you no matter what” speech. He insisted that nothing was wrong.

Wednesday, I decided if he was going to ask to stay home that we were going to the doctor to make sure everything was okay. I called our regular doctor and they could not get him in until late afternoon. That wouldn’t work because I need to be home for my other children afterschool. So I decide that I would give Methodist Medpointe a try. That is where I was horribly wrong.

The office staff and the nurse were extremely friendly. Then the doctor came in. She was obviously dismayed by the fact that East Bluff riff raff had slipped through the invisible fence that keeps us all South of War Memorial Drive. She sizes me up and asks me why my child isn’t in school in the most condescending tone I have ever heard. Well, maybe it is the fact that he is having stomach pain or that when your nurse took his temperature he had a fever! Then she starts in about his weight. According to her he should weigh 75 pounds because of his height. All my boys are skinny and tall. That is how they are built. They all eat quite well, I can assure you. So she pushes on his stomach and refers him to a pediatric GI specialist.

I have never been treated like I was a complete piece of trash the way I was by this doctor. Even my son said, “Mom, she was a snot to you.” By the time she was done with me I was ready to call DCFS on myself! I’m sure she thinks that my son isn’t in school because he is running a pickpocketing ring to finance my gambling/strip club that I run out of my basement! He’s skinny because of all the cocaine he does and because he has to fight all our pitbulls for food!

I will never set foot in Methodist Medpointe again. I will pay the extra money (double my already high copay) to go to Proctor First Care. I am also going to complain to Methodist. We don’t pay ridiculous health insurance premiums and copays for this. Just imagine if I was on medicaid?! I don’t care how long you went to school or who the hell you think you are, you don’t treat people like that.

UPDATE: I have spoke with someone on Methodist’s pride line. She couldn’t believe how poorly I was treated. She had an adminstrator call me for more details and now I am expecting a call from the guy who oversees all the Medpointes. I was told that he will perform an investigation and interview the staff of the Medpointe and the doctor from hell. He’ll get back to me when that is completed.

Sport of Champions

Since my children (all boys) have been cooped up in the house for 2 days due to the freezing ass cold temps, they have had to entertain themselves. They have been growing bored with their toys and playstation games. Nothing is on TV so they have found a new way to entertain themselves. I suddenly hear “Ouch!” and an uproar of laughter. Then I hear it again, repeatedly. Even though I really don’t want to know what is going on, I feel I have to, being their mother and all. I find my boys dragging their feet across a blanket and shocking each other for shits and giggles. Boy, am I a proud mom! At least they were having fun and I’m sure the brain damage will be minimal. I’ll worry when they have the paint chip eating contest.

Tim the toolman has nothing on us

I am so glad this weekend is over. We have had dreams of finishing our basement. Nothing fancy, mainly cosmetic, like paint and flooring. One of the things impeding us was the fact that the pipe to our outside faucet leaks in our basement when it is turned on. We haven’t wanted to put any resources into the basement just to have them ruined by water damage. So this weekend Brad decides to fix the leak. The job that Brad assured my best friend would be done by 10 pm Saturday night didn’t get finished until Sunday at dinner. To be fair there was a football break in that time period. The simple leak ended in us redoing all the cold water pipes. I am just excited to have it done. Or maybe it is the plumbering glue fumes, I can’t be sure but I decide to tackle another household problem.

My washing machine has been broke for a bit. I haven’t gotten it fixed because I lost my warranty and the place I bought it couldn’t find record of my warranty. My next door neighbor has been kind enough to let me use her wash machine. The fact that I give her booze for this service probably doesn’t hurt either. While Brad is being a piping maniac, in the plumbing sense, not his usual sense, I find my warranty. I am giddy, once again I think it was the fumes. I am reading through my owners manual and the problem I was having, a burning smell, was in the troubleshooting section. It said that my washer was overloaded. I was pretty sure it wasn’t but wanted to make sure before I call a repair man. So I decide to plug it back in and fill her up. So far so good. It filled and went through the wash cycle without incident. Then it fills for the rinse cycle and as soon as it starts spinning there is the most vile smell you could possibly imagine. I turn the dial to drain the tub. After the tub drains it starts to spin again, this time with a smoke show. I shut it off and unplug it as smoke flows out it. So now my house stinks and it is full of smoke. What do you think my children do? They make a fire safety obstacle course in our basement. They are crawling all over, yelling “Stay below the smoke! Stop, drop and roll!” I guess a call to the repair man is now in order.

The economy around here can’t be all bad

I was reading the classified ads in Sunday’s Peoria Journal . I came across a most intriguing job. Swinger’s World needs a jismopper. Now this is no minimum wage job. $10 an hour! So if downsizing has you down, just know you can always go be a jismopper. It truly is “Better in Peoria”.