Last year the city declared that Code Enforcement was going to be cracking down on the East Bluff. East Bluff residents were informed that we would only receive one warning and after that we would be ticketed without mercy and the tickets would increase in severity. Those of us who take care of our property welcomed this, in hopes some of the problem houses and slumlords would be held accountable. Then we all got our warning letters.

Code Enforcement decided to send warning letters to our entire neighborhood. It stated that the city only gives one warning every two years and that tickets would be issued for the following violations:
Garbage cans without lids
Using plastic bags for garbage containers
Unlicensed/inoperable vehicles
Litter in yards and alley
Cans left in alley for more than 24 hours after garbage pickup
Tree limbs in alley or yard
Dog feces not being picked up daily
If these violations don’t pertain to your property then disregard this letter but use for future reference. You have until the date listed to fix violations.

Alot of us got pissed. Instead of the Code Enforcement officer getting out of the car and addressing the problems, we all get a generic letter addressed to “Occupant” and “To whom it may concern”. We called Code Enforcement and talked to the supervisor. She said that if our letter didn’t have anything marked that we didn’t have to worry. So Code Enforcement just wasted money sending all of us letters that didn’t mean anything?
We are all concerned that we all having warnings on our property for the next two years for nothing. The supervisor said that wasn’t the case. I imagine none of us will know for sure until we get our first ticket. Then we are informed that Code Enforcement is not required to give a warning. The city says we get a warning yet Code Enforcement says that isn’t necessarily the case. Who do we believe?

I think this will turn out the way these crack downs usually do. Those of us who take care of our property will end up with ticket for an ill fitting trash can lid or a single piece of litter in our yard because we are responsible. We will throw away the litter and pay our ticket. The people who just don’t care and the slumlords with their eyesore properties will continue to operate business as usual.

This morning I was delivering one of my neighbor’s “boo”ze bags when in the alley between our houses I find a pair of surgical gloves and some duct tape. I call my “boo”ze buddy and tell her of my find, which also serves the purpose of helping her find her bag with her favorite wine in it. We decide, after consult with the Neighborhood Watch leader, to call the police in case it is evidence from a crime.

When the officer arrives he asks why the street is closed. Since he is our regular district officer and the street has been closed for two weeks this does not invoke confidence. He obviously has not patrolled our area in a while. I show him the gloves and the tape. He proceeds to pick them up and hand them to me. He told me just to throw them out because they were trash. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to be holding surgical gloves that had been used to do who knows what.

Then our officer just went on a massive bitch fest. He starts complaining about the people who call him all the time over nothing. I am not sure if this was supposed to be directed at me and my neighbor. I haven’t called during this officer’s shift in a long time. Then he starts saying how easy it is to be an officer because all you have to do is show up. My confidence level is now just soaring! Next on his list is rental property and the type of people who rent houses. He tells us how rental property has ruined the East Bluff. He also included the pearl of wisdom that if we aren’t happy about the crime and the rental properties then we just need to move. Now it is time to move on to City Council. He starts ranting how no one from City Council lives in the East Bluff so they just don’t care. My first though is where do you live? But, surprisingly, I kept my mouth shut. He ends our conversation with “Oh, well, I can retire anytime. Call me when you find a gun.”

Damn, no wonder we have so many unsolved crimes!!

Yesterday they were supposed to start work on the sewer on my block.  The prior three days they have been painting lines and marking things.  The previous day they dropped off some digging equipment and the all important port-a-crapper.  Yesterday I figured they were ready for business.  After 9 they started etching the road which washed away the majority of the paint they “labored” on for 3 days.  Things then were pretty quiet.  I looked outside at 11:45 and the workers are sitting on the sidewalk down the street.  I figure it is lunch time and go about my day.  At 1:50 they are all still down the street sitting on the sidewalk.  That must have been some lunch!  A bit later a dump truck comes and dumps a load of gravel in front of my neighbors house.  Then a tractor comes, gets a scoop of gravel, goes down the street,  and puts up the road closed sign.  Everyone is gone by 3:00.  Our tax dollars at work!

BTW:  What is the best way to move a port-a-crapper, without tipping it, and about how many people do you think that would take?  Just Curious

I took the suggestion of one of the commenters and went to the East Peoria Walmart to shop. I quickly found out that Peoria doesn’t have the market cornered for stupidity. First, as I was pulling into the parking lot a girl was walking and some random guy in the car in front of me hollered at her that he would give her a ride. Without any hesitation she jumps in the car. So if a blonde girl with a bubble butt is missing she got in a red sports car with a guy in a blue ballcap. Second, I was shopping in the store when over the loud speaker someone asks the bus driver to please come to the front of the store or the bus will leave without you! Third and finally an old lady had her panties in a twist because the woman in line ahead of me in the 20 items or less line had 22 items. Peoria was looking better by the minute. So as I leave Walmart I think maybe the dumbasses have been migrating to other areas then it happened. As I was crossing the Bob Michel bridge there was a sign that said the left lane was closed. When I got closer it was the right lane that was closed. Cornering the market on stupidity is another thing the city of Peoria just doesn’t want East Peoria to have!

The city council and the school board have decided to put their differences aside and meet for the first time in awhile.  In the past they have had a contentious relationship, so here are a few subject of discussion that are sure to break the ice:

Evolution verses Creation

The war in Iraq

Roe verses Wade

Cards verses Cubs

I hope all these neutral subjects will get the talks off on the right foot.

There is a little controversy about wether or not to put a gate dividing the Coves subdivision from the Vinton Highlands.   There is just one burning question that needs to be answered.  Is the gate to keep the douchebags out or to keep the douchebags in?

While in St. Louis my husband was reading the newspaper and found an article about a Georgia woman who went to the police because she felt she got low quality crack for her “hard eaned” money.  The Peoria police wouldn’t want to deal with that type of problem so the city has decided to rate the local drug houses and make their ratings available for the consumers.  Drug houses are rated on several things such as quality, quantity, police response time, conviction rate, and the number of bullet holes in the house.  The drug houses are then given their “baggy” rating.

4 baggies is the best.  It is the cadillac of drug houses.  Look for developers to be asking the city for incentives to build it and the area into an “attraction”.

3 baggies is good.  You can quite easily get your drugs, a 40 ounce and a pay day loan in one convenient trip.

2 baggies is fair.  You may get pot or you may get lawn clippings.  It is a total crap shoot.

1 baggy is poor.  Stop by the visitor’s bureau for a bulletproof  vest rental, you’ll probably need it.

0 baggies, just throw your money away and kick your own ass.  It will save time and possibly your life.

A list will be avalible at the visitor’s bureau and select Peoria locations  so be sure to pick up yours and support our Peoria economy.

The city of Peoria has a new plan to save tax dollars and raise revenue all at the same time.  Since the kids in the East Bluff just walk down the middle of the street, the city has decided to do away with sidewalks all together.  If you are lucky enough to have a sidewalk it will be considered a luxury and be taxed accordingly.

With litter being such a growing problem in the City of Peoria, the city has decided to take a new approach.  Since slogans such as “Give a hoot, don’t pollute” haven’t seemed to have worked, the city decide to use some reverse psychology.  The new slogan is “Who gives a fuck?  Throw all the litter you can chuck!”  I am sure we will all see a much cleaner Peoria in the days ahead.