I read a story yesterday on WEEK.com about dogs disappearing in Peoria. People are shocked to think that dog fighting may be going on in Peoria. Really? This is a surprise?

I have lived in the East Bluff for 9 years. You can’t swing a dead rat in the East Bluff without hitting a pitbull. Yes, there are loving responsible owners who take care of their dogs and don’t train them to be fighters. Then there are these people who walk their pitbull with weights attached to its collar. Anyone who thinks this is “doggy bling” needs to have their head examined. I have seen people who ride bikes in front of a pitbull to piss it off and have it drag a cement block behind it as it chases the bike. Not exactly training out of the book of Cesar Millan.

Dog fighting is a reality in Peoria. Most people want to bury their heads in the sand because it isn’t done openly or in the “good” end of town. This doesn’t make it exist any less. Once again the city needs to pull its head out of its ass and face reality before this is as out of control as the rest of the crime in Peoria.

I was reading the Journal Star online and found Phil Luciano’s column to hit home being as we deal with our own middle of the road walking morons daily.  Then I thought of a solution that will take care of the issue.  Has anyone seen the movie Death Race 2000?  I think we need to have our own “Death Race” through the streets of Peoria.  We can have our own point system, a race course that changes daily, trophies, endorsement, etc.  It would spur tourism and we could possibly get a deal with ESPN to have them televise our “races”.  Think of all the tax revenue that could be coming in.  And more importantly it would get these kids, who are equivilant to anal gangrene, out of the streets permanently.  I see it as win-win.

Once again, Kevin Lyons negotiating skills have me in awe. The brick throwing asshat received a 22 year sentence for arson and killing someone with a patio block and after his “good time” he will probably only serve 10 years. Other than the obvious, you might wonder why this pisses me off so bad. Here is why:

In the summer of ‘06 the gangsta wanna be who shot a guy in the head behind the Mc Donalds on Knoxville was on house arrest 6 houses away from our house. This upstanding citizen spent his house arrest selling drugs from a lawn chair in the middle of the sidewalk, getting visits from his other thug buddies and bringing a criminal element into our neighborhood. One of the final straws was when this fine citizen was running down the sidewalk (at least he wasn’t in the middle of the street!) shooting at a car that was trying to get away after screwing him in the drug deal. We banded together as a neighborhood and put pressure on the landlord, the family and the police to get this guy out of our neighborhood. After all this he was able to plea bargain and received a sentence of only 8 years! Another slap in the face was that he got time served for being on house arrest. So selling drugs and trying to bring down my neighborhood will help him get out of prison earlier. With his day for day “good” time now he will be out in 2 and a half years!

Since I currently have a raging case of PMS I think I will just start taking the law into my own hands. With my clean record and Kevin Lyons’ plea deals I am sure I’ll only get probation!

This morning I was delivering one of my neighbor’s “boo”ze bags when in the alley between our houses I find a pair of surgical gloves and some duct tape. I call my “boo”ze buddy and tell her of my find, which also serves the purpose of helping her find her bag with her favorite wine in it. We decide, after consult with the Neighborhood Watch leader, to call the police in case it is evidence from a crime.

When the officer arrives he asks why the street is closed. Since he is our regular district officer and the street has been closed for two weeks this does not invoke confidence. He obviously has not patrolled our area in a while. I show him the gloves and the tape. He proceeds to pick them up and hand them to me. He told me just to throw them out because they were trash. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to be holding surgical gloves that had been used to do who knows what.

Then our officer just went on a massive bitch fest. He starts complaining about the people who call him all the time over nothing. I am not sure if this was supposed to be directed at me and my neighbor. I haven’t called during this officer’s shift in a long time. Then he starts saying how easy it is to be an officer because all you have to do is show up. My confidence level is now just soaring! Next on his list is rental property and the type of people who rent houses. He tells us how rental property has ruined the East Bluff. He also included the pearl of wisdom that if we aren’t happy about the crime and the rental properties then we just need to move. Now it is time to move on to City Council. He starts ranting how no one from City Council lives in the East Bluff so they just don’t care. My first though is where do you live? But, surprisingly, I kept my mouth shut. He ends our conversation with “Oh, well, I can retire anytime. Call me when you find a gun.”

Damn, no wonder we have so many unsolved crimes!!

Yesterday in the Journal Star there was an article about a man getting busted for selling undersized turtles. In the seventies they made a law that made it illegal to sell turtles under four inches because stupid kids would put them in their mouths and get sick. First item of disclosure, I had turtles as pets growing up. It never occured to me to put a turtle in my mouth because my parents raised me to have common sense. My brother never put a turtle in his mouth, once again that common sense thing. It sucks that stupidity has to be legislated. In the past, idiots putting turtles in their mouths may have been seen as natural selection.

Since undersized turtles are such a crime fighting priority, I now have a new approach for getting rid of the drug houses in the neighborhood. Since the police don’t care if the area residents are offered drugs and have to put up with the bullshit that goes along with having a major drug supply house for the city a few blocks down and over (an officer informed us of that), I am just going to start calling the police to report turtle selling. That seems to get their attention and nets results. So drug/turtle dealers you are officially on notice. Selling turtles doesn’t play in Peoria but drugs, hey, what the hell!

I just read Phil Luciano’s column in the Journal Star and boy, was I relieved!  Since I have no Webkinz in my household I can quit worrying about crime.  Now I can not worry about getting murdered, raped, robbed, assaulted, or any of the other terrible things that happen in this city.   Why should I care about the drug houses all over the city that operate without fear when Webkinz are missing?  Thank you Phil for putting crime in Peoria in perspective!