Askewed News » pissed off

Anyone have a Midol?

eastbluffbarbie — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 01:26:23 +0000

The Midol isn’t for me. It is for my oldest son. He has a case of the PMS, Pre Manhood Syndrome. He just turned 12 and his hormones are starting to turn a sweet little boy into a mouthy douche.

I am not a morning a person but the going ons of this morning would make the most sunny, happy, morning person turn to the bottle. It starts with PMS boy being pissed that I’m not letting him use his uniform free pass. That resulted in an eye roll, an “Oh my gawd!” and stomping off. Then I’m not sure what happened but he ended up locking himself in the bathroom saying that he hates his life and isn’t going to school. I was getting ready to bust down the door, because I handle these things so well at 6:45 am. Finally he comes out and gets dressed. Then the next son starts bitching. For some reason my sugar turned into a solid brick. He is complaining about not being able to put sugar on his cereal. So I do what anyone mother at the end of her rope does at 6:55 am. I got out the hammer. Not thinking ahead, I start beating the piss out of the bag of sugar. Of course the paper bag rips and what little sugar I managed to break up is leaking out. Shit! Now I put the brick in a ziploc bag and start wailing on it. It worked good enough to get them all cereal. If that hadn’t worked I was going to run over the sugar with my car, since I am so rational in the morning. Finally with everyone off to school I said “Fuck it” and went back to bed.

Is your Doctorate in Douchebaggery?

eastbluffbarbie — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 22:36:27 +0000

My youngest son has been complaining of stomach pain on and off for a little bit. He has a tender tummy and picks up stomach bugs easily. I figured he had a virus. Almost everyday for the past two weeks he has pleaded with me to stay home from school. Now I am starting to think there is something going on at school. I sat him down and asked him if there was anything going on and gave him the “You can tell us anything and we’ll love you no matter what” speech. He insisted that nothing was wrong.

Wednesday, I decided if he was going to ask to stay home that we were going to the doctor to make sure everything was okay. I called our regular doctor and they could not get him in until late afternoon. That wouldn’t work because I need to be home for my other children afterschool. So I decide that I would give Methodist Medpointe a try. That is where I was horribly wrong.

The office staff and the nurse were extremely friendly. Then the doctor came in. She was obviously dismayed by the fact that East Bluff riff raff had slipped through the invisible fence that keeps us all South of War Memorial Drive. She sizes me up and asks me why my child isn’t in school in the most condescending tone I have ever heard. Well, maybe it is the fact that he is having stomach pain or that when your nurse took his temperature he had a fever! Then she starts in about his weight. According to her he should weigh 75 pounds because of his height. All my boys are skinny and tall. That is how they are built. They all eat quite well, I can assure you. So she pushes on his stomach and refers him to a pediatric GI specialist.

I have never been treated like I was a complete piece of trash the way I was by this doctor. Even my son said, “Mom, she was a snot to you.” By the time she was done with me I was ready to call DCFS on myself! I’m sure she thinks that my son isn’t in school because he is running a pickpocketing ring to finance my gambling/strip club that I run out of my basement! He’s skinny because of all the cocaine he does and because he has to fight all our pitbulls for food!

I will never set foot in Methodist Medpointe again. I will pay the extra money (double my already high copay) to go to Proctor First Care. I am also going to complain to Methodist. We don’t pay ridiculous health insurance premiums and copays for this. Just imagine if I was on medicaid?! I don’t care how long you went to school or who the hell you think you are, you don’t treat people like that.

UPDATE: I have spoke with someone on Methodist’s pride line. She couldn’t believe how poorly I was treated. She had an adminstrator call me for more details and now I am expecting a call from the guy who oversees all the Medpointes. I was told that he will perform an investigation and interview the staff of the Medpointe and the doctor from hell. He’ll get back to me when that is completed.

Why??????

eastbluffbarbie — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 00:49:39 +0000

I just need to rant a bit.

Why the fuck were they filling potholes on War Memorial this morning?

Why the fuck doesn’t Kmart sell crotch socks (men’s tube socks that go above the knee for those who don’t know)?

Why the fuck did the city make this new snow plan?

Why the fuck doesn’t Walmart have beer on tap to make dealing with the asshats easier?

Why the fuck does it always look like a bomb went off in Big Lots?

Why the fuck can’t you buy orange juice, milk, and cereal at Kroger on Wisconsin without them assuming you are on WIC?

Why the fuck does the Kroger on Wisconsin have condoms, pregnancy tests and Axe body spray under lock and key at the pharmacy? Maybe if they unlocked the condoms there would be no need for the pregnancy test!

Why the fuck did I have to listen to my cashier’s weight loss testimonial when there was a line accumulating behind me?

Why the fuck did District 150 have to have a teachers institute tomorrow? Don’t they realize that I’m already going to be spending 2 PMS fueled weeks with my children?

Why the fuck did someone else agree to marry Drew Peterson? Start writing your will and digging your grave now, honey.

Why the fuck do I have strange, vivid dreams every single night? It is no wonder I am worn out all the time.

Why the fuck does Christmas have to be next week? Can’t we delay it a month? I’m sure I’d be more prepared then.

I think I have it out of my system for the time being.

Clusterf@*k at Cubs

eastbluffbarbie — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 00:09:15 +0000

Yesterday, I went to Cub to take advantage of one of their sales. They had Kellogg cereal for $2 a box and if you bought 7 or more boxes you got a $10 off coupon for your next purchase. Since I have three boys who eat almost a box a cereal a day this was a wonderful deal. I pick out my 7 boxes of cereal, grab a couple of other items and head for the checkout. The first thing the cashier says to me is “Wow, your shirt is old.” I was too surprised to tell her that my evening gown and tierra were at the cleaners. Then she picks up my bottle of cumin and asks me what it tastes like. Well, it tastes like CUMIN! Then she wants to know if she can grow it. Hell if I know. Damn, if I knew it was going to be this much of an issue I would have gone without it. She finally finishes my order and hands me my stack of register generated coupons. I assumed, and that was ignorant of me, that my $10 off coupon was amongst the rest.
I get home and notice that I have a piece of paper that clearly says not a coupon and explains the offer I was supposed to get a coupon for. I didn’t feel like dealing with it last night so I called today. The woman at the service desk sounded very doubtful of my story but told me to come in anyway. I get to the store and show her my anti-coupon and my receipt proving that I bought my cereal. She called someone higher up the chain who didn’t want to deal with her, I could tell by the expression on the woman at the desk’s face. The higher up told her that they had a memo about it and the memo explained everything. She finally finds the memo and tries to do as it says. While she is doing this, the line of guys without teeth buying lotto tickets and 40 ouncers behind me is starting to get aggitated that they have to wait. The service desk woman can’t get the coupon to print. Wonderful! By now about half of the disgruntled alcoholics behind me have decided to actually go to a check out line. The service desk woman calls the pissy higher up woman again. The higher up just can’t understand that the memo is not working. Finally the service desk woman told the higher up that she was just going to give me $10 and be done with it. So I got a $10 bill for my trouble but I wonder how many other people had the same thing happen? How many other people were treated like they were full of shit and just got fed up and said screw it?

It is truly a Monday

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 20:17:16 +0000

Today has been one of those days. I start my day at the gas station and assume that since I am the only car there I will get in and out with ease. I pump my gas and go in to pay. There are two large black women in there buying ice cream and lottery tickets. Everytime their transaction is just about done they manage to scrape up yet another dollar for another scratch off ticket. They can’t just pick any ticket either. For the amount of time and thought they put into the process you would have thought it was a major life decision. Finally they are done buying lottery tickets and have moved onto trying to pronounce the cashier’s name correctly. After a few more minutes of that they leave and I am able to pay for my gas and start on my errands.

Next stop Schnuck’s. I have my list and am ready to rock and roll. Some creepy old guy kept running into me and smiling. I guess I am glad that I gave him something to smile about. Other than that Schnuck’s is uneventful.

Next destination Dollar Tree. Once again I have my list in hand and am ready to go. As I am entering Dollar Tree a woman turns her head and sneezes in my face! I am pretty horrified. It was nasty but I’m not going to let it ruin my day. As I am in the Dollar Tree this old woman kept following me around and asking me what I was buying. I understand that the elderly get lonely and I don’t mind talking to them but I hate having to explain my purchases. I finally go to pay. I am writing a check and the young black man working there asks me for my I.D. I get out my license and he says “Man, you really looked young!” So I guess I look like a sea hag now. Thank you.

Next is Kroger’s. I go in and start my shopping, once again with list in hand. I get to the cereal aisle and there is a young mother with her cart across the whole aisle. She is busy reading boxes of granola bars so she does not care that no one can get through. By this time I have had it. Do I yell at her? Do I move her cart for her? I have a much better plan than that. I show the 4 year old in her cart that I am buying Lucky Charms. I wave the box in front of him and he starts in on his mom. He is yelling “I want cereal. I want cereal.”. I feel alittle better and having an annoyed 4 year old is far worse than anything I could have said or done.

Finally last errand is the Cub Scout store to get my sons their books. I have given up on the rest of my errands by now. As I an getting ready to walk through the parking lot there is a shady looking guy on a bike watching me. By now I am like bring it on, I will rip your dick off and beat you to death with it. I think he sensed that I would not be messed with and kept on riding. So I go buy my books and start heading home.

I get myself home and start unloading all my stuff and something I bought at Dollar Tree is missing. I called the store and they pretty much said so what. I guess they didn’t understand the concept that I paid for merchandise that I did not receive. If I want my sparkling snowflake ornaments, I guess I will have to go in and buy them again and have someone else sneeze in my face!