Askewed News » politics

Spring and Bullshit are in the Air

eastbluffbarbie — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 20:43:38 +0000

I’m tired of all the campaign bullshit of this season. Build the Block can bite my ass as far as I’m concerned. Maybe if they spent the money they use to mail me a flyer every other day and advertise to build the museum, the son of a bitch would be built already. They want the taxpayers to foot the bill for a plan that isn’t even concrete. If I went the bank and asked for a twenty year open line of credit, they would want a specific business plan not generalities and bullshit. They don’t have commitments from IMAX or even commitments for the rest of the funding. They don’t know how much admission will be but it will pay for itself. If I went to the bank with this load of sputum they would laugh in my face yet we are supposed to open our wallets and let them have at it? I think not.

I live in the East Bluff which is also part of the hot and heavy third district city council race. Tim Riggenbach has also showered me with flyers. One of my favorites said the Tim knows neighborhoods, he lives in one. Well, holy shit! I must be an auto mechanic because I own a car. I also must be an exotic dancer because I have a g-string. Don’t insult my intelligence. Just because I’m in the lowly part of the third district, south of War Memorial, doesn’t mean that I don’t have a brain in my head. I haven’t exactly seen him in my neck of the woods campaigning and his latest literature has quotes for friends and neighbors, the majority of which are North of War Memorial. I’m glad he expects the North half of the district to carry him but when the lowly peons in the Southern half need his help and we will, I expect him to treat us just as he would treat them.

Now I seen on the Peoria Chronicle that Build the Block and Tim Riggenbach both got there campaign mailers produced and sent from out of state. To be fair you have to include Patrick Nichting in that same bunch. His flyers were produced by Victory also. I’m all for calling bullshit but call bullshit on everyone not just a select few.

Enjoy your weekend and remember after April 7th all the it will all be over with. Hopefully the best candidate will win and not the one with the most money and flash. Please vote!

I want to be Blago

eastbluffbarbie — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 22:06:25 +0000

I want to be Blago. No, it isn’t the head of hair. I want to be blissfully oblivious to the heap of shit I’m in. I want to say outrageous wacky shit and have people lap it up like fine wine. While the whole world is falling apart around me I want to go for a run in some nut huggin’ pants without a care in the world.
If the asshat doesn’t end up in prison people will be falling all over themselves get his opinion on the news of the day. He’ll end up some super douche cult icon. He’ll be the “Joe the Plumber” of corruption. You just gotta love the society we live in.

Best Question EVER!!!!

eastbluffbarbie — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 20:43:36 +0000

I was folding my laundry and watching good old Blago’s speech. Afterwards the news anchor had two pundits on to discuss the asshattery that evolved. He asked them “How does he (Roland Burris) avoid the smell of a taint?” My first thought is not to stick his head down there!

The letter of the day is “B”

eastbluffbarbie — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 17:52:42 +0000

B is for Blagojevich

B is for Bribery

B is Baggery of the Douche variety

and finally B is for Butt rape (if all of us down staters get our wish!)

Honestly did anyone outside of Chicago vote for this fuckstick?

It’s almost over!

eastbluffbarbie — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:00:14 +0000

I went and voted today. Thank God this is almost over. I am so tired of this political season that it isn’t even funny. I’m tired of Joe the plumber, Sheldon the shit shoveller or whoever the “everyman” is that is being propped up at the moment. I’m tired of an answering machine full of political calls and getting ten dead trees worth of political mail a week. I’m tired of letters of endorsement from people because some of us are smart enough to make a decision without being told who to vote for by various public officials. Shit, I’ve gotten endorsement letters from people that I had no idea who the fuck they were. I’m tired of certain campaigns putting a yard sign in our yard without permission. Guess what? I made it into a yard sale sign when we had neighborhood garage sales. Take that!
Sad to say that no matter who wins we are fucked and we will be that way for a while. The problems of the current administration won’t be fixed over night. It is easy to tie a knot in a shoelace but it sure is a bitch getting it out.
So go vote with the knowledge that this seemly never ending cluster fuck of a political season is almost over. Only about 2 more years before the same bullshit starts all over again!

What do I get out of it?

eastbluffbarbie — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 23:52:05 +0000

I have been watching the various election coverage. My favorite pieces are when the anchor goes into a restaurant full of old people at 6 am and starts asking who everyone is voting for and why. I have noticed a pattern. Everyone is voting for the candidate of their choice based on what they are going to get out of it. One guy stuffing his face full of donuts and showing his ass crack says I want Obama for free health care. Another bitty wants McCain because he’ll give her a tax cut. No one cares about whether or not these people would be good leaders. They care about what is in it for them. So since I am undecided I have composed a small list of demands. The candidate that fulfills my list of demands before the election gets my vote.
I want a Presidential term’s supply of the beer of my choice. I know a certain Republican runs Brewers and can make it happen.
I want a taser. I think that is pretty self explanatory.
And finally I want a pony.
Since I am undecided this is a prime time for the political parties to step up. Don’t fret third parties, I am completely open to accepting beer, tasers and ponies from you too. Earn my vote!

Choose and More Than Likely Lose

eastbluffbarbie — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 16:06:13 +0000

This primary season is so confusing with all the choices, Democrat and Republican. I guess we’ll have to use some good old fashioned American “logic” to decide who to vote for.

Warren Buffett has came out in support of Hillary Clinton. Jimmy Buffett sings “Margaritaville”. I love margaritas. Hillary also has a vagina (I think) and I have a vagina. I guess I need to vote for Hillary.
Oh, but wait, Barak Obama doesn’t have a vagina but he has Oprah’s “va jay jay” supporting him and she tells me what books are good so she must know what she is talking about.
Wait a minute! Chuck Norris does martial arts. He is supporting Mike Huckabee. I guess the nunchuck enthusiast in me must vote Huckabee.
Hold on, Fred Thompson was on Law and Order. I’ve watched it on TV. Fred Thompson needs my vote.
But who can forget 9/11? Our world changed then. A vote for anyone other than Rudy Giuliani would be letting the terrorists win.
Dennis Kucinich seen a UFO. I love Star Wars! Maybe it traveled from a galaxy far, far away. I guess it is Kucinich all the way!

Whoever you end up voting for, please make an informed decision. Don’t let celebrities or a political party make the decision for you. Don’t be the ignorant sheep that some politicians take us for. Some of us are tired of, in the words of South Park, the choice between a giant douche and a turd sandwich!

BTW- I don’t have any party affiliation and I am not supporting any candidate currently. I am an equal opportunity offender.

Dying for an Invite

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 02:38:52 +0000

Yesterday, I was opening our mail not really paying a whole lot of attention when I find an invite for a reception for John Morris. (Disclaimer: My husband and I know John & Cindy through our children’s school. We think they are really nice people and have attended John’s open house several months ago.) There was the invite and the reply card. The reply card was the usual – how many people are coming, can’t attend but will contribute, contribute for signs, ads, mailings, etc. Then for campaign finance purposes it asks for your name, address, occupation and employer. Not knowing if my husband wants to attend or not I am about to start filling out the name and address section. I flip over the envelope to see if it is address to Brad or Bradley when I discover that the invite is not addressed to us. It is addressed to the lady who lived in our house before we did (we have lived here 9 years). Did I also mention that she has been dead for almost 10 years? Now I really want to fill out the comment card:

Name: Mrs. M.J.C.
Address: insert random cemetary address
Occupation: Landscaper
Then I’d write a little note:
I regret that I am unable to attend and contribute. Landscaping has been slow, considering I’ve been fertilizing the same plot for almost ten years and I have no new business. Considering that I haven’t voted in at least 9 years (or have I?), I am really surprised that you dug up my name and former address. As much as I am dying to attend, I really must decline.
Dig Ya Later,
Mrs. M.J.C.

I did end up calling John Morris’ campaign office and letting them know that they are inviting dead people to the reception. They are taking Mrs. M.J.C off their list and letting her rest in peace!