This is a little tale that was told to me. I had to promise to change the names in order to blog about it. Enjoy!
Donnette is on the phone with her friend. Donnette has been having issues with her hearing as she has been aging but has done nothing about it. While on the phone Donnette’s friend mentions that she bought a 3 pack of douches and she was not happy with the first one she used and is stuck with the rest. Donnette’s friend then asks Donnette if she uses douches. Donnette replies “Sure I do but sometimes I use paper plates.” Donnette’s friend is laughing uncontrollably. When she composes herself she asks Donnette what she thought she said. Donnette thought that her friend asked if she used DISHES. The friend explaining that she was actually asking about DOUCHES. They both had a great laugh as did I when I was told. Now hopefully Donnette will look into a Belltone!
Ice pack $1.50
Ibuprofen $5
Ace bandage $7
Explaining to your husband that you were standing on the kitchen counter, mooning your neighbor out the window, and when you jumped off the counter you twisted your ankle……..priceless!
Tuesday night is the blogger bash at Donnelly’s in Peoria at 6:00. As long as my babysitting doesn’t fall through or some other child related disaster I will be there with Brad. I hope to see everyone and meet some of you that I have not had the pleasure of meeting.
Tonight was the Cub Scout pack meeting. We are having a winter camp out so all the information about the camp out was being distributed. On the flyer with the when, where and what to bring it was divided into sections. There was the Items Needed section, the Optional Items (only if you have) and Items NOT allowed. Last year there were alot of sugared up kids who brought things that have no business on a camp out so the list is to help draw the line. I was reading the list during the meeting and under the Optional Items (only if you have) section it had listed walking stick, compass, flashlight, and BALLS! I was trying to contain my laughter. I showed the flyer to Brad after the meeting. He told the scoutmaster’s wife that he won’t be bringing his balls because I won’t let him have them that weekend! She was still laughing when we left!
Today I got a phone call from my neighbor. She was crying and told me one of her beloved cats got sick last night and required an emergency trip to the vet this morning. The cat was too sick to help so she had to put it down. She then asks me if I have any room in my freezer. I was on my way out the door so I told her I would move things around and see what I could do when I got home. I get in the truck and my husband asks what is going on. I told him that Mary’s cat died and she wants to know if we have any space in our freezer. Brad freaked out. He said that a freezer is for food not pets. He said she is welcome to put her food in our freezer but not her cat.Â
We get home from our excursion to the library and I call Mary. I told her that Brad said no cat in the freezer. She was upset so I told her she was welcome to put her food in our freezer so she could fit the cat in her own freezer. She said that was what she meant in the first place, didn’t she tell me that? We had a good chuckle over the misunderstanding. I hope it helped lighten her spirits a bit. I am really sorry about Jory and I know she will be missed.
The health department is issuing a health warning for the city of Peoria. Many of the teenagers in Peoria have been found to have a sidewalk allergy. This allergy makes them avoid sidewalks at all costs, with the exception of picking up their “medicinal” marijuana from the some guy on the corner.
How can you tell if a teenager has sidewalk allergies? Here are some helpful clues:
Walking in the middle of the street even though there is a perfectly good sidewalk.
Walking slower than usual. This mainly happens when a vehicle approaches. We theorize that some how vehicles aggrevate the allergy and make approaching the sidewalk that much more daunting.
Temporary fits of Tourette’s Syndrome. These poor teens will start spouting obscenities at anyone who tries to suggest they walk somewhere else.
Massive fits of douchebaggery.
So little is known about sidewalk allergy. If someone would be willing to sacrifice the hood of their car so we can obtain one of these teens to study hopefully one day we can find a cure.
Saturday I attended a dear friend’s wedding and totally behaved. The ceremony seemed to go fast so no complaints there. The reception had excellent food and an open bar. I got to see people I haven’t seen in a long time. One of my friend’s husbands, who I went to high school with, told me that I look the same as I did in high school. I asked if that was good or bad and he said it was awesome. Personally, I attribute that to poor lighting and free beer but it was a nice compliment anyway. It was nice to catch up with old friends and to make new ones. To Mary Beth and Keith: My heart felt congratulations and may your life together be filled with happiness!
I was reading the Journal Star online and I ran across the story about the Lehi woman who found a mouse head in her can of Allen’s beans that she bought from Walmart. She contacted Walmart and they told her to put the head in the freezer and save it since it usually takes about 2 years to get these things resolved! Can you imagine being at her house and looking for a little more ice for your cocktail? She also contacted Allen’s and asked where the rest of the mouse was. They said anything is possible and offered her $100. I was wondering how they came up with that figure. Is there some chart that tells what each “item” is worth? Would she be offered $200 for a full mouse since it is double the size? All I know is that I don’t intend to be eating Allen’s beans for quite a while!
As you may have read the sewers are being worked on on my block of the street. Friday morning I was awakened to the sound of machinery trying to bust up the road in front of my house and driveway. My first thought was “Shit, they must have read my blog!” So I ask if I can get my car out and move it so I am not trapped in my driveway all weekend. The man made sure I didn’t put the minivan in ass first in the giant hole. Then I knew no one had read my blog.
Friday’s work day consisted of digging for 15 minutes, looking in the hole for 45 minutes, then repeat. In the afternoon my youngest comes running in to tell me one of the workers is dead. I go to the window and see the man laying on my neighbors lawn. I explained that he wasn’t dead he was resting. Then everyone else rested until it was time to secure the hole. They put up some orange netting and wrapped it around saw horses and left. I was very sad looking. Then the ideas came. How much fun would it be to see someone fall in the hole!  Now we have our new entertainment.Â
Friday night, no one falls in the whole or even comes close to falling/driving into the hole. Sadness washes over us all.
Saturday night, no one falls in the hole but there is new challenge because someone parks right next to the hole, making only one way around it. It was a little more fun to watch but no such luck.
Sunday, I find a gray tarp in my basement and contemplate moving the saw horses and the netting over to the only open area next to the hole and covering the hole with the tarp. The only way through would be “over” the hole. We also try to “sweeten the pot” to try to get someone in the hole. One of my neighbors sees a thug looking kid walking down the street and says loudly “How are we going to get all that crack out of the hole?” Still no takers. I even checked the hole for foot prints just in case we missed something.
Now they are filling in our hole so we are left with an empty feeling inside since no one fell in the hole. I guess we will just have to stick with “The Game”.
BTW – We still haven’t moved the port-a-crapper but I noticed that it is on a small trailer on wheels. Things just got a little easier. We were thinking about putting a severed head on the seat and getting one of the motion detector Halloween things that screams that way when they open the door, they see the head and hear a scream. I just don’t think the ambulance would be able to get through if one of the older gentlemen dropped dead so we kind of nixed that one. Any suggestions, other than tipping it?
It seems my basement has been overtaken by spiders. Maybe they are the ones displaced by our cleaning of the garage. Being that I live in the East Bluff, I think it is more likely these are the kind of spiders that have invaded my house:
[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/sHzdsFiBbFc" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]
January 23, 2008 11:37 am | 
Comments (1) 