The storm Thursday took out a large chunk of the tree in our front yard. As a result we have had no internet access. We were better off than the next door neighbor. Our tree took out her cable and her power line. Friday I look out and see a rather large chunk of tree balancing on our cable line and our internet didn’t work. I call Comcast and they tell me the city has to remove the limb. I call the city and they say Comcast is responsible. So my husband borrowed a chainsaw and removed the limb. I called back Comcast to tell them that the limb is gone and our internet still isn’t working. They tell me that by 3 PM Saturday we would be up and running. Three comes and goes. No internet. I call Sunday morning and get a recording that says my appointment is scheduled for between 8 and 8 December 25. WTF?? I wait on hold forever to be told that December 25 was a tentative date and that we will have service before then. I explained that I wouldn’t have been upset if they hadn’t promised my service to be running the day before. They apologize and give me a credit.
Monday rolls around. Comcast fixes my next door neighbor’s line first thing in the morning and doesn’t touch ours. I wait patiently until early evening and call to make sure that there wasn’t a mistake. No mistake. We were still on the list to be fixed. I told the woman that it was asinine that a contractor was just here and didn’t do my line while they were at it. She had no comment. Finally this afternoon they got us up and running. So I’ve been out of the loop for a few days. I’m glad to finallly have the internet back so I can bitch and moan. It is truly Comcastic!
I just need to rant a bit.
Why the fuck were they filling potholes on War Memorial this morning?
Why the fuck doesn’t Kmart sell crotch socks (men’s tube socks that go above the knee for those who don’t know)?
Why the fuck did the city make this new snow plan?
Why the fuck doesn’t Walmart have beer on tap to make dealing with the asshats easier?
Why the fuck does it always look like a bomb went off in Big Lots?
Why the fuck can’t you buy orange juice, milk, and cereal at Kroger on Wisconsin without them assuming you are on WIC?
Why the fuck does the Kroger on Wisconsin have condoms, pregnancy tests and Axe body spray under lock and key at the pharmacy? Maybe if they unlocked the condoms there would be no need for the pregnancy test!
Why the fuck did I have to listen to my cashier’s weight loss testimonial when there was a line accumulating behind me?
Why the fuck did District 150 have to have a teachers institute tomorrow? Don’t they realize that I’m already going to be spending 2 PMS fueled weeks with my children?
Why the fuck did someone else agree to marry Drew Peterson? Start writing your will and digging your grave now, honey.
Why the fuck do I have strange, vivid dreams every single night? It is no wonder I am worn out all the time.
Why the fuck does Christmas have to be next week? Can’t we delay it a month? I’m sure I’d be more prepared then. 
I think I have it out of my system for the time being. 
B is for Blagojevich
B is for Bribery
B is Baggery of the Douche variety
and finally B is for Butt rape (if all of us down staters get our wish!)
Honestly did anyone outside of Chicago vote for this fuckstick?
My son yells to me,
“Mom, the basement smells like pee……. and not the good kind.”
I didn’t realize that there was a “good kind” of pee.
This past spring my best friend got a new rottweiler to replace the one that had to be put down. This new dog is younger and spunkier. Now I think that the dog and I are in a battle of wits or she is trying to kill me, I haven’t decided which.
The first incident happened in early summer. The dog, Bliss, got out of the fence and was walking down the alley. I grabbed her collar. She slipped out of the collar so I put her in a headlock until I could get the collar back on. The dog took off down the alley with me riding on her back like I was in a rodeo. Mildly entertaining for everyone involved.
The second incident happened mid summer. My boys were going next door to hang out while my husband and I went out. For being such a fabulous friend and watching my kids I had a bag full of lemonade slush for my neighbor. My boys accidently left the gate open and the dog comes running towards me. I grab the dog by the collar with my free hand. Bliss decides “Fuck this shit. I want to head down the street.” So she takes off full steam ahead with me hanging onto the collar for dear life. She pulled me across my front lawn before my common sense took over and I let go of the collar. It must have been a sight because a man stopped his car and asked if he could call me an ambulance! I was fine and proud to say that I didn’t even drop the booze! My 10 year old goes down the street grabs the dog and walks her home without incident.
The third incident occurred a bit ago. My wash machine broke and my neighbor has been letting me do wash at her house when she is at work. Since I am over there I take the dog out, sometimes feed her and play with her. She came running outside and didn’t want to go back in. It was cold and she had already taken care of business, so I was ready to go in. I went for the collar and she head butted my fist. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I thought she broke my hand. Once again point goes to the dog.
The latest incident was today. I went next door to get my clothes out of the washer and I realized that I forgot my laundry basket (it’s been one of those days!). I shut the door and go back home for the basket. I come back and the dog is in the backyard playing. The dog managed to get the backdoor and the screen door open and let herself out. Once again I had hell getting her back in the house. So it is a battle of wits and I am very sad to say that I think I’m losing!
A few bloggers have nominated me for the Kreativ blogger award. I’ve been busy so I haven’t gotten to post about it until now. So here it goes…..
The rules:
(1) List six things that make you happy
(2) Pass the award on to 6 more kreativ bloggers
(3) Link back to the person who gave you the award
(4) Link to the people you are passing it on to and leave them a comment to let them know.
(5) Request scantily clad photos of your blogger friends of the opposite sex.
1.Six things that make me happy:
(1) Friends and Family, I have some awesome friends and alot of them are like family. I also have one of the wackiest families on earth.
(2) Animal wrangling, I love watching the shows where someone has a raccoon in their attic and the wildlife expert comes to take it out. Also the ones with 150 cats in a one room house and the authorities have to catch them all. Good Times!
(3) Laughing, I love to laugh. I do it quite often too. I also love laughing at myself and boy do I do that ALOT.
(4) Writing, I love to write but don’t do it as often as I would like to. I’m considering writing a book about my life and life with my husband and kids. Who would buy that?
(5) BEER, I love beer. I love the taste. I love things batter in beer and fried. Beer is awesome.
(6) Cartoons, I enjoy cartoons that are geared toward kids with adult jokes in them. I also love the cartoons of Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. Things that are soooo wrong make me laugh the hardest.
Since I am late doing this most bloggers have already been nominated for the award so I’m not going to pick anyone. I would like to thank those who find me kreativ. I am also choosing not to request scantily clad photos of bloggers of the opposite sex because I finally got Billy Dennis to quit sending me naked pictures. (How’s that for trying to be funny! )
My oldest son is extremely nosey. If your dog has a new collar my son will notice and tell the world. Yesterday he says to me, “Guess what Mr. J. was using to clear the snow off his car?”
I figured he was using a broom. My son says “No, Mom, he was using a hammer.” Only in the East Bluff!
I went and voted today. Thank God this is almost over. I am so tired of this political season that it isn’t even funny. I’m tired of Joe the plumber, Sheldon the shit shoveller or whoever the “everyman” is that is being propped up at the moment. I’m tired of an answering machine full of political calls and getting ten dead trees worth of political mail a week. I’m tired of letters of endorsement from people because some of us are smart enough to make a decision without being told who to vote for by various public officials. Shit, I’ve gotten endorsement letters from people that I had no idea who the fuck they were. I’m tired of certain campaigns putting a yard sign in our yard without permission. Guess what? I made it into a yard sale sign when we had neighborhood garage sales. Take that!
Sad to say that no matter who wins we are fucked and we will be that way for a while. The problems of the current administration won’t be fixed over night. It is easy to tie a knot in a shoelace but it sure is a bitch getting it out.
So go vote with the knowledge that this seemly never ending cluster fuck of a political season is almost over. Only about 2 more years before the same bullshit starts all over again!
With the upcoming election I have realized how scary the future is. There are all these stories about voter registration fraud. Signing up the starting line up of the Dallas Cowboys – mildly entertaining. Then it crossed the line. I heard someone signed up Duran Duran, not the members of the band mind you, but First Name: Duran; Last Name: Duran. WTF? How stupid are these people? You don’t have to be an evil genius to open a phone book or any book for that matter and find more realistic names. At least use band names like Molly Hatchet or Jethro Tull. Shit, and what happened to the classics? Have they exhausted Mike Hunt, Peter Dragon, John P. Ness, Dick Hertz, I.P. Freely and Seymour Butts?
Here is the really scary part. After the election these brain surgeons will be unemployeed. They are going to be bagging our groceries, making our Big Macs, wiping our asses when we head off to the home and generally spreading douchebaggery where ever they go. Oh, I shudder to think of it.
The other day I received a delightful letter from Illinois American Water. Fortunately, since this is an election year, I had my Bullshit to English dictionary handy. So here is the translation:
Dear Cashcows,
We are taking this opportunity to pat ourselves on the back for doing our jobs. We just raised your rates but Hey, we contribute to the community for the tax write offs.
Once again the city is considering taking us over. Don’t let this happen! It is our job to bend you over for your water needs. The city gets to bend you over for other reasons. Don’t take this away from us! Either way you get bent over but we promise to use lube. Thanks for paying us for a necessity of life.
P.S. This was totally paid for at ratepayer’s expense!
After I finished the letter I went to put it back in the envelope. The cherry on top of this bullshit sundae is that there was a pube in the envelope. Thanks, Illinois American Water!
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